Ratings:
Star Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
If This Book Was a Movie Rating: R
Review:
“My career gasped for air like a hippo with sleep apnea.”
so did mine, Bee. In fact, my hands were shaking just typing this up.
You might’ve noticed the one star. Let’s get into a nice long rant review, shall we? 🥰
THE SYNOPSIS.
Neuroscientist Girl (aka Bee) goes to NASA for a special project and realizes she has to co-lead a project with grad-school archnemesis Engineer Boy (aka Levi). Drama ensues.
THE CHARACTERS.
Bee Königswasser.
Bee. Oh, Bee. Before I really rip into Miss Bumblebee, let me provide a mere ✨sample✨ of the thoughts and questions from my head as I read this book:
13%: Why is Bee wearing her grandmother’s wedding ring when she isn’t married? That’s weird. No one wears wedding rings for luck. *laughs* That definitely won’t cause misunderstandings later.
16%: Why is it such a problem that she and Levi share the same movie taste? More than one person can like the Empire Strikes Back. This isn’t kindergarten.
34%: I’m bored. These two idiots don’t know how to talk to each other.
55%: FIFTY-FIVE PERCENT. Why has it taken until FIFTY-FIVE PERCENT FOR THEM. TO START COMMUNICATING FINALLY.
70%: Did Bee just have a personality transplant? Why does she like Levi so much all of a sudden?
75%: WOAH HOLD UP, did we really feel the need to go from 0 to 69?? WHERE WAS THE CONTEXT FOR THIS??
76%: Just found out Bee is literally named after a poem about bees. It’s not just a nickname. I can’t with this book.
88%: THAT’S THE THIRD ACT CONFLICT? MISS BUMBLEBEE YOU IDIOT—
That’s enough of that.
Bee, in case you couldn’t infer it already, is a grad school educated idiot. A professional doofus. Why can this girl quickly realize when Mr. Not-Main-Love-Interest asks her out BUT SHE OBVIOUSLY DOESN’T SEE EVEN ONE OF THE VAST NUMBER OF BLUSHES AND FLUSHES AND SWALLOWS AND PANIC MOMENTS THAT LEVI HAS IN HER PRESENCE NO SHE DOES NOT.
In addition to her boneheadedness, the fact that she cries at roadkill, trips quirkily, and faints all the time, Bee also has anger management issues.
In fact, now that I’m think about it, all of Ali Hazelwood’s heroines seem to love fantasizing about violently murdering people. Particularly their love interests.
With regards to Bee, she thought about poisoning, stabbing, drowning, impaling, and biting Levi at various points. That’s not even counting what she wanted to do to all the side characters.
Clearly, a very stable lady.
However, the worst thing Bee ever says is the following, (taken from one of her complaints about the lack of females in STEM teams):
“The well-known Meatwave. A Dickspolsion in the Testosteroven. The good old Brodeo.”
*ahem* now, Bee, I understand you think life is a war against men, and men have done nothing good in the entirety of human history, but—WHERE IS THE BLEACH. I NEED TO THOROUGHLY SCRUB MY BRAIN PLEASE NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN I BEG YOU
Levi Ward.
Nothing to say here. This man was the Perfect Science Gentleman, which means he was Bee’s ideal of what the perfect man should be and the only one who had a reason for his horrible communication skills.
THE ROMANCE.
Oh, that romance. If one could even call it that. LITERALLY ALL OF THE TENSION WAS A SERIES OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS.
THAT IS NOT ✨TENSION✨
THAT’S THE COMMUNICATION ISSUES OF A FOUR-YEAR-OLD.
For the first half of the book, the only tangible reason Bee is civil to Levi is because of his big, huge, enormous body and those hulking, massive biceps and his huge warm chest and no I’m not being excessive because BEE CANNOT SHUT UP ABOUT HIS BODY.
Like ma’am, please be more creative. Lust for huge enormous manly bodies is overdone and not at all connected to actual love.
“Is Levi actually handsome? Or is he just six four and built like the Colossus of Rhodes?”
“‘Can’t be taller than six two, or shorter than five one.’
I briefly contemplate the notion that neither Levi nor I fall within astronaut height requirements, but for dramatically different reasons.”
“I stare at this man who’s six four and two hundred pounds of muscle.”
“He manages to sound sincere, as though he’s not a six four, two-hundred-pound brickhouse.”
“The walls are too high for me to climb—because I’m five feet tall and everything is too high for me to climb.”
wow Bee you’re so small and Levi’s so big and you’re so teeny teeny tiny and he’s such a hulking beast and you’re just a dust particle and he’s a dinosaur CAN YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT HIS BODY
And then after the halfway mark, suddenly she adores him and they’ve had all these cute and not totally contrived moments together and they’re 69’ing three bloody times. (side note to those curious: they’re skippable, but don’t read this book anyway not worth it)
THE PLOT.
Most of the book was talking about this BLINK project they have for NASA. It was actually a pretty cool project, but I'm here to rant so you may read about it elsewhere.
First off, why was EVERY SINGLE male character in this book a woman-objectifying trashy dude? (except, rather conveniently, our main man 🙄) Yes, many men steal research ideas and make disgusting comments about women’s bodies. Yes, science is a historically male- and white- dominated field with a great deal of sexism. But this particular subset of male scientists does not represent EVERY SINGLE man on the planet. I don't want to be lectured about gender stereotypes and oppression and misogyny while reading a romance novel. Those things have their place, but NOT ON EVERY OTHER PAGE PLEASE. I’M TRYING TO WATCH PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE DANGIT.
And another thing: women are not all perfect gorgeous angels. In this book, practically everything a female character does is brave, kind, and accommodating, while everything a male character does is aggressive, bigoted, and hateful. I’m more than happy to call out sexism when deserved, but it's hypocritical to call out sexism against women when, if the roles were reversed, you’d be guilty of the exact same thing. Case in point:
“I was initially a bit distrustful of him – his bio says “he/him,” and we all know how men on the internet can be.”
Well gee Bee, if you'd said—
“I was initially a bit distrustful of her – her bio says “she/her,” and we all know how women on the internet can be.”
—you’d be called out as a raging misogynist. But because it was about a man, you’re a feminist empowerment queen and 100% in the right.
As a fellow woman myself, I’m calling bs 🤦♀️
*sigh* I know I'm being a little melodramatic, but I’ve been stuck in this girl's head for 368 pages and need a significant amount of therapy. And venting. So that’s what I’m doing here.
Thanks for listening ❤️
Friend me on Goodreads (yes, you, I wanna be your friend): https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/136268749-isabelle
Recommendations That Are Better Than This Book:
The Hating Game by Sally Thorne
Finding Cinderella by Kia Amazona
Comentários